EMBODYING BOUNDARIES

As women we’re often told to be nice, to be polite, to say yes, to keep our voices down, to keep the peace, to manage the conflict, to be generous, to be helpful, to just get the job done!

We’ve been told that in order to be happy, successful, in a relationship, we must put our needs last and everyone else’s first.

We must compromise, sacrifice, give in … without complaint.

And even though things are different now … most of us still don’t know how to say NO. We don’t know how to set boundaries.

Saying no can sometimes feel like life or death in our bodies

We’re so conditioned to say yes that standing up for ourselves and saying no can feel like a dangerous risk. It triggers so many of our deepest fears and insecurities.

• Fear of hurting someone we love
• Fear of being rejected
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of being abandoned
• Fear of losing a promotion or business we’ve worked so hard for
• Fear of being hated and humiliated
• Fear of being cut off or ostracized

Saying no to the little things is just as important as saying no to the big things

We often let little things slide because we don’t want to upset or inconvenience others. It’s easy for us to say yes to little things, even though a part of us wants to say no.

The problem is if you are conditioned to say yes, when deep down something inside of you is saying no, your own personal boundary gets blurred. You may not even feel when your boundaries have been crossed until it’s too late.

And then, when you’ve reached the point where you’ve had enough, an old traumatic response gets triggered.

We go into Fight, Flight or Freeze when our boundaries are crossed

Depending on our past and the size of the threat, when we’ve reached our limit, our default reactions can be a repetition of our history. You repeat the same pattern.

• You fight. You’ve felt unappreciated and undervalued for far too long and cannot let it go on anymore, so you come out swinging and confrontational in order to be heard and valued.

• You flee. The anger, hurt and pain have built up so much over time, that it’s just too much. You don’t believe your wishes/boundaries will ever be respected, so all that is left is to leave and never engage again.

• You freeze. You’ve let your boundaries be ignored for so long that the emotions evoked overwhelm you, so you numb them and yourself. You disconnect not only from those involved, but from your own wishes and self.

And this happens again and again.

From this reactive place, we blame, ourselves and others. We lose our energy and recreate our past, reliving our biggest fears and often leaving a massive wake of hurt and destruction.

The trick to saying no and setting boundaries

The earlier, the sooner, the quicker, the cleaner you say no, the stronger it is.

In my experience, it comes down to knowing when something doesn’t feel right in your body. Being sensitive/tuned in enough to recognize when your body is saying no, because your body says no much faster than your mind does. It knows when something is not ok or not right for you.

There is more than one way to say no!

If saying no and setting boundaries feels scary and difficult, I want you to know it doesn’t always have to be this this way. There is more than one way you can say no, and depending on the situation, your no can be …. strong, clean, fast, soft, openhearted, fierce, free, playful, honest, vulnerable … it can even be in mid-motion.

This one-day workshop is designed to reconnect you to your body so you can explore the many different ways you can say no.

How we’ll learn to embody boundaries

We’ll first look at what your default reaction is when someone crosses your boundary, and what to do about it.

We’ll also look at:

– Feeling the no in your body and expressing it, even in simple situations
– Setting boundaries with those you love
– Transforming anger into a clear and powerful no
– Using your past to discover your boundaries and wishes
– Embodying self-respect and standing your ground
– Feeling the freedom to say yes, after you’ve clearly set boundaries

My wish is that you leave this workshop feeling empowered and free to set your boundaries with clarity, strength, grace and ease.