Saying no can feel unsafe; like we’re upsetting the balance, stepping out of our zone, coming on too strongly. We have become so accustomed to being told to be nice, to be polite, to say yes, to keep our voices down, to keep the peace, to smile, to manage the conflict, to be generous, to be helpful, to not rock the boat!
We’ve been told that in order to be happy, successful, well-liked, in a relationship, we must put our needs last and everyone else’s first. We must wait for our turn.
We must compromise, sacrifice, give in … without complaint.We smile. We stay silent. We don’t speak the truth. “Everything’s ok,” “It’s no problem,” “It’s no big deal,” “Sure…,” “I`m fine“.
And even though things are changing now … most of us still don’t know how to easily say NO. We don’t know how to simply hold clear, personal boundaries.
Saying no can sometimes feel like life or death in our bodies
We’re so conditioned to say yes that standing up for ourselves and saying no can feel like a dangerous risk. It triggers so many of our deepest fears and insecurities.
• Fear of hurting someone we love
• Fear of being rejected
• Fear of making someone angry
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of being abandoned
• Fear of being hated and humiliated
• Fear of being cut off or ostracized
• Fear of losing out on a promotion, project or business we’ve worked so hard for
Saying no to the little things is just as important as saying no to the big things
We often let little things slide because we don’t want to upset or inconvenience others. It’s easy for us to say yes to little things, even though a part of us wants to say no.
The problem is if you are conditioned to say yes, when deep down something inside of you is saying no, your personal boundary gets blurred. It becomes vague. You may not even feel when your boundaries have been crossed until it’s too late.
And then, when you’ve reached the point where you’ve had enough, an old traumatic response gets triggered.
We go into Fight, Flight or Freeze when our boundaries are crossed
Depending on our past and the size of the threat, when we’ve reached our limit, our default reactions can be a repetition of our history. You repeat the same pattern.
• You fight. You’ve felt unappreciated and disrespected for far too long and cannot let it go on anymore, so you come out swinging and confrontational in order to be heard and valued.
• You flee. The anger, hurt and pain have built up so much over time, that it’s just too much. You don’t believe your wishes/boundaries will ever be respected, so all that is left is to leave and never engage again.
• You freeze. You’ve let your boundaries be ignored for so long that the emotions evoked overwhelm you, so you numb them and yourself. You disconnect not only from those involved, but from your own wishes and self.
And this happens again and again.
From this reactive place, we blame, ourselves and others. We lose our energy and recreate our past, reliving our biggest fears and often leaving a massive wake of hurt and destruction.
OR..we are so mistrustful and sure that others won’t clearly see and respect us, that we remain hyper-vigilant and say NO, reflexively, as a constant, protective response. This diminishes our freedom to do as we wish.
The trick to saying no and setting boundaries
The earlier, the sooner, the quicker, the cleaner you say no, the stronger it is.
In my experience, it comes down to knowing when something doesn’t feel right in your body. Being sensitive/tuned in enough to recognize when your body is saying no, because your body says no much faster than your mind does. It knows when something is not ok or not right for you. It has no need to make it reasonable and acceptable. It is honest.
There is more than one way to say no!
If saying no and setting boundaries feels scary and difficult, I want you to know it doesn’t always have to be this way. There is more than one way you can say no, and depending on the situation, your no can be …. strong, clean, fast, soft, openhearted, fierce, free, playful, honest, vulnerable … it can even be in mid-motion, a yes, changing into a no, as you feel more deeply what you want.
This one-day workshop is designed to reconnect you to your body and to what you truly want, so you can explore the many different ways you can say no.
How we’ll learn to embody boundaries
We’ll first look at what your default reaction is when someone crosses your boundary, and how to shift this.
We’ll also look at:
– Feeling the no in your body and expressing it, even in simple situations
– Holding your personal boundaries with those you love
– Transforming anger and rage into a clear and powerful no
– Using your past to re-discover your boundaries and wishes
– Embodying self-respect and being clear about what you want
– Feeling the freedom to say yes, wholeheartedly
My wish is that you leave this workshop feeling empowered and free to express your boundaries with clarity, strength, grace and ease.
What is the workshop size?
The maximum participants in this workshop is 18. The nature of the subject is such that a smaller, more intimate group allows participants to freely express themselves and feel safe in the process.
What is the workshop schedule?
Saturday: 9:30am – 6:00pm (Lunch break 1:00 – 2:30 pm)
Several short breaks are scheduled throughout the day.
What should I wear to the workshop?
As this is a movement workshop, it’s best to wear clothes that are comfortable. Yoga gear / active wear are great. The room temperature may vary as you move, so it’s best to layer yourself.
What should I bring to the workshop?
Bring a yoga mat, notepad, pen and water bottle. Snacks will be provided, but if you have special dietary restrictions, please bring your own, as well.
Is my registration/ticket transferrable?
Yes, as long as you contact via email to email@example.com at least 48 hours prior to the workshop. Please provide the name, email and contact number of the person you are transferring your ticket to. The new participant must contact me directly prior to the workshop. If for some reason, the ticket is not used, it is not refundable at this point.
What is the cancellation policy?
You may cancel any workshop up to 1 month prior to the event for a full refund less any credit card or PayPal processing fees.
Cancellations less then 1 month but more than 2 weeks prior to the workshop will receive a 50% refund less any credit card or PayPal processing fees.
Cancellations less than 2 weeks prior to the workshop date are non-refundable. You may transfer the ticket onto a friend 48 hours prior to the workshop by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.